(Man, I wish at least ONE other animator on the internet had as many psychological issues as me).
I didn't ALWAYS have the personality I currently have. I was originally kind and generous and friendly and I loved people. But over the years, school, my parents, and pretty much everyone has taught me that people are superficial, shallow, judgmental, and selfish. I never wanted to be any of these things, but in order for me to fit in with everyone around me, I had to adjust my personality. At first, I felt like I was fitting in. I was an asshole just like everybody else, but then I discovered my "kink". And I knew that if anyone found out, I'd never fit in with anyone ever again and everyone would isolate me. So i tried hiding it, but then my parents introduced me to the internet. Which in my opinion was a mistake on their behalf, but it's not like they could be bothered to teach me anything, so they gave me the internet so I could teach myself. And on the internet, i found a community of people who shared the same interests as me. And eventually, I spent more time with those people on the internet, than I did with real life people. And as such, I wasn't able to relate to anyone in my real life. And with the internet., I could be anonymous. Meaning, no judgement, thus, no bad feelings about myself. But then, I became internet famous, And thus I was no longer anonymous. Which wouldn't have been a problem if I wasn't so strange and the human race wasn't so resentful of strange people. And you know how you're either the type of person who cares about how people see you or you don't? Well at first I did care. And technically, I still do care. I just PRETEND not to care because that's the attitude you MUST have in order for people to not think you're a depressive drag. But after people started finding out about how weird I was, I either had to A) kill myself and hope that reincarnation is real, or B) stop caring. Even though, when your whole life was spent caring, you can't just simply stop caring. Especially when it's the whole reason you're alive and have an income. Plus, not enough people care about themselves, and I didn't want to be one of those people. Even though, most people in my profession, you know, animators and artists, actually don't care about how people see them. But the difference is, none of them have a weird kink that isolates them from 99% of the world be default. So they're ALLOWED to not care. Because weather they care or not, everyone loves them. As for non-relatable people like me, the only way to not eventually go crazy is to not be famous at all. If I had Zero subs, or follows, likes or whatever, sure, I wouldn't have the income I currently have, but at least I would have the freedom to be who I really am without anyone really caring or spamming constant hate. The way I see it, there are 3 kinds of people, the audience at the freak show, the freaks themselves, and the people who manage the freaks. I turned out to be one of the freaks. I would recommend being the audience.